Business
Calendly, Courtesy & Culture: Why the Way We Book Time Says a Lot About Who We Are
In Samoan culture, there’s an unwritten rule that says: E le se’i le fala fa’apulapula — don’t unroll the fine mat before the ceremony begins
by Joey Nanai I 8th July2025
That’s our way of saying: don’t assume the space is yours to take.
You wait. You observe. You offer. You respect the rhythm of the room before you move. So when I saw people going back and forth online about whether it’s rude or respectful to send a Calendly link, I smiled. Not because it’s petty. But because it’s deeply human. The tech may be new. But the tension? That’s ancient.
The Calendly Debate in a Nutshell
If you’ve missed the noise, here’s the scoop: One side says:
“Sending a Calendly link is efficient and respectful. It avoids time-wasting, back-and-forth emails. It’s the new professional standard.”
The other side says:
“Sending a Calendly link — without context — is lazy and presumptuous. You’re shifting the admin to your prospect. It’s disrespectful.”
And like most heated debates online — both sides are right. And both are missing the point.
The Tool Isn’t the Problem. The Framing Is.
Let’s strip the emotion away for a second. Calendly is just a calendar tool. It lets someone choose a time that works for them, based on your availability. Simple. Clean. Smart. But how do you send it? That’s where everything shifts.
Here’s what feels off:
“Here’s my link — book something.”
Sounds efficient. But also sounds like:
“You do the work. My time matters. Yours can adjust.”
Now compare that to:
“Let me know what works for you, and I’ll try to make it fit. Or feel free to use this link if it’s easier.”
One message commands. The other invites. That’s the difference. Not the link. The mana behind it.
A Pasifika Take on Power and Politeness
In the village, before we speak at a fono (meeting), we don’t rush to the mic.
We ask:
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Who’s in the room?
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What’s the reason for the gathering?
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Has permission been granted to speak?
And when we do speak — it’s with structure, reverence, and alofa (love/respect).
Now, in business, we can’t always mimic the fale structure. But we can carry the same values into our emails, our meetings — and yes, even our calendar invites.
Sending a Calendly link isn’t disrespectful.
Sending one without thought? That’s where the disrespect creeps in.
Because in our culture, choice is sacred.
You don’t push a plate in front of someone and say, “Eat this.”
You offer the plate and say, “This is what we’ve prepared — if it suits your appetite.”
What Sales and Founders Often Get Wrong
Let’s be honest: in sales, we love shortcuts. Anything that saves a minute, we’ll try.
But not everything that saves time builds trust. I’ve coached sales reps who were proud of how many meetings they booked using a link-only strategy. But what they didn’t see were the unspoken rejections — the people who felt like a number and quietly walked away. Likewise, I’ve worked with founders who refused to send a Calendly link, thinking it was cold and impersonal. But then they burned 20+ emails trying to lock in a 15-minute call. Here’s the truth: Calendly is not a villain. It’s just a tool that reveals your tone.
What Balanced Respect Looks Like
Here’s how to land in the middle:
“Hey [Name], let me know what days/times work best for you and I’ll aim to make it work.
If it’s easier, feel free to use this link to grab a time that suits you: [link].”
You give choice. You signal respect. You remove pressure.
That’s fa’aaloalo (respect). That’s modern mana.
For Business Leaders: Set the Standard
If you lead a team — set this as a cultural standard.
Not because it’s trendy.
But because it teaches how to engage with intent.
Calendly isn’t just about efficiency. It’s about boundaries. Power. Time. Control.
If your team is booking meetings, they need to know: how you frame a meeting request tells the other person everything about how you’ll treat the meeting itself.
For Founders and Consultants: Read the Room
If you’re a founder, consultant, or coach — you know every prospect’s context is different.
Some love control. They want your link.
Others are old-school. They want to suggest times.
Others want a human exchange before they commit to anything.
You don’t need to predict.
You just need to offer both.
For Our Pasifika Leaders in Business
To my fellow Pasifika professionals climbing through corporate, tech, or sales lanes — this is a subtle yet powerful way to carry your values into your workflows.
You can use modern tools without losing cultural integrity.
You can automate without becoming impersonal.
You can be efficient without being assumptive.
That’s how we change the room — not just by being in it, but by shaping how business is done inside it.
Final Word: It's Not the Link — It’s the Leadership
So, is sending a Calendly link rude?
Not if it’s wrapped in respect.
Not if it’s softened by curiosity.
Not if it’s backed by a willingness to flex.
The best salespeople and leaders don’t force a schedule.
They honour one.
So next time you’re about to send that link — pause.
Offer. Don’t assume.
Invite. Don’t instruct.
Because the mat may be digital — but the ceremony of respect still matters.